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humor · First published here

Honest College Fests

991 words · about 5 min

Never submitted anywhere, so it was never cut to fit a page — and never had an editor either. This is the length it wanted to be.

College fests, described honestly. The gap between the poster and the reality.

So you came into college with grand aspirations and dreams of having fun. Probably heard about fests like MoodI, Rendezvous, Incident, OASIS, etc before coming here and must have thought to yourself, "Hey, I just got into Funipal College! They must have some amazingg college fests! Can't wait to be a part of that!"

Well if you thought that, boo hoo. You're in for a rude awakening.

Here's what actually happens during the fests:

The Planning Phase:

During this phase, the committee in charge of the fest are legit shooting for the moon. Their XYZ fest is going to be the biggest and best in whichever part of India they're from and they will have the biggestttt footfall ever. Their fests can take on the likes of MoodI and others in terms of fun, enthusiasm and popularity.

At least that's what they tell themselves at first. Before their grand plans get squashed by the restrictions and "practicality" from the administration's side. At least their initial dreams are a good pitch for the sponsors they wish to approach.

Which brings us to the next phase.

The Sponsorship Phase:

Any college fest, big or small, great or lame, needs one thing to survive, to thrive. $$$ aka money.

And while one does expect the college to provide them with financial support, the college is of the firm belief that all financial needs can be taken care of by the committee themselves. This is to help in their "character development", so they claim. Thus, this is where sponsors of every kind come in.

Food sponsors, Travel sponsors, Title sponsors, Hospitality Sponsors, etc etc. Anything you can think of, a sponsor is needed for it. And so the committee starts their process of pleading for funding with anyone they can find. They promise them everything and anything they want, be it advertising (Name and Logo. Flex extra. Central India's largest fest sir! Everyone will see your products), social media promotions( Large following on FB, YouTube, etc. Insta page made last week. Juniors will share on WhatsApp), special mentions( During pronites, 3 minute video right in between the fun so people can hate on you for interrupting their fun!), the Moon (only if you're a Title Sponsor with major doolah!), etc etc.

The battle is tough and the sponsors gained are not many. To provide some gravity to their claims, sponsors' logos from the previous fests are stuck again on pamphlets and the cycle continues.

The Event Phase:

After a lot of hard work, organization and collecting of funds, the day of the event finally arrives.

The committee has a lot of "fun events and activities" planned for their intended audience. Guest lectures are arranged and "fun games" by various societies vying for relevance are simultaneously initiated. Participants are "voluntarily and enthusiastically" acquired to participate in said events and activities of their own "free will". Food stalls set up by Food Sponsors, who were promised the largest footfall in Central India as well as the Soda and Food Stalls of the bhaiyas from outside college( who come into play, when said Food Sponsors are unavailable after the "grand reception" of the first day) cater to the huge crowds gastorial needs( After all, how long can one digest the delicious food of our mess?).

Two to three days of such frivolous activities are but the entree to what's coming next.

The Pronite Phase:

Every college student (baring the jaded few) has only one thought when they hear about the upcoming fest. The Pronite.

The committee, in their initial dreamy, planning phase, spread the hype and buzz about big names in the entertainment industry, who'll be coming along to perform for their fellow mates. Slowly, as reality sinks in and their grand aspirations are restricted by external factors, the hype train starts circulating other lesser known names( Yeah we know ABC college had Mr. Bigshot perform there but the person we're calling has 1k views on YouTube! Super famous, trust us!) to the now slightly less enthusiastic fellow mates. Some years, they hit the jackpot, and secure an affordable deal with MNO Band (because they happen to be performing in ABC college just a day before, what luck!). Other years, they have to resort to asking local college groups, composed of their own fellow mates to put on a show for the students( What would we have done without XXX Society, whew!)

So the Pronite arrives, and although the students were promised the stars, they were ready to settle for the grass. After all, it's not everyday a Pronite comes around (Free only for you, our fellow comrades. Outside people will have to pay, to experience the privilege y'all are experiencing!), and these are the only times everyone gets to mingle and wiggle, hog and hop, dance and trance. So what if they were promised EDM nights, DJs and big names? Just drop a few beats, play some pop culture songs, and watch them all have the night of their lives.

Stories are uploaded, live streams are done. Before you know it, the fest has come to an end. And life returns back to normal.

The Post-Fest Party Phase:

For all the hard work done by the committee in ensuring a "well planned and highly successful" fest, they certainly need to be rewarded. And what better way to do that then with a good old party?

The senior organizing members, bless their souls, always ensured to reward their fellow, hardworking committee members with enough funds for their celebration ( Got to admire them!).

And thus parties are celebrated, stomachs are filled and it's members are invigorated.

Moreover, there's another fest coming in another 6 months! And it'll be better than this one. More fun, with better and more famous artists coming to perform!

After all, have they ever disappointed with the amazing fests they've conducted?

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